The Vikings trainers have approved Dave for action next week pending league approval of his new robopants. The tight end debuted these pants last week in warm-ups against the Panthers only to be sidelined by a case of neckbeard burn in a collision with fullback, Jim Kleinsasser.
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andrew
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andrew
dave takes two weeks paid time off each year in order to walk on hot coals in death valley. he returns to the midwest just in time for the start of football season — specifically, the wolverines opener. people come from all across michigan to line-up with their prize-winning cows. he makes a hell of a foot burger.
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Greg Lawrence
Dave holds the real nuclear codes to the presidential ‘football’ in his framed ‘Gipper’ football pants from Ronald Reagan.
The inscription reads “To my Titan of the North, The only Man I trust. Luv, Ronnie.”
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andrew
If Dave Weiss played football, he’d be wearing three pairs of pants. Also, he’d be similar to Tim Tebow…only with a giant handlebar moustache.
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andrew
Dave Weiss is a giant killer sperm whale hybrid in a woolen football pants. Lanolin. He’s John McCain’s first white whale across the aisle cabinet member: Moby Slick.
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Greg Lawrence
Dave’s chest actually houses a sweat shop of 43 underage gnomes churning out Ohio State keychains and lead based McCain buttons
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andrew
Dave Weiss so patriotic that people often mistake him for Samuel Adams. It must be the football pants.
